Coping!!!

I had a friend come and talk to me following my recent post. They were concerned that I was being too open and honest and that people would be concerned that I am not coping and report me to Social Services.

The thing is… I AM COPING. That’s the whole point of this venture! It is to share with other anxious, depressed, spoonies, and disabled parents how I DO cope and make them realise they are not alone!!!

Just because I say I’m exhausted doesn’t mean I’m not coping – it just means I need to slow down, tell hubby I need him to do a few extra things for me that week then rest a bit. Every parent gets burnt out and exhausted – if you don’t then lucky you – tell me your secret?

Just because I’m in pain doesn’t mean I’m not coping. It just means I need to execute some self care; whether that’s a hot bath, painkillers or an early night. Any other parent who maybe has a headache, or hurt their back, or caught a bug would try to do the same.

Just because the kids are being a little more difficult than usual, doesn’t mean I’m not coping. It just means I need to assess and figure out how we can make it easier for all of us. Sometimes they just need a bit of one-on-one time and some understanding. Though it would help if they had their tantrums when we’re home and settled rather than when we’re rushing for a bus or when we’re running a bit late. However, I have no control over when the kids decide to be mischievous, tired, agitated, grumpy, sad, or indecisive. So this leads to frustration on everyone’s part until we’re able to get somewhere I can sit with them and talk it through. This is something every parent experiences!! If you have the luxury of good kids that don’t tantrum in public, then well done! I have one who doesn’t understand how emotions work and can’t calm down once he’s upset. One who can be upset by the minutest of things, and one that just wants constant Mummy cuddles.

On weekends Hubbly is “duty parent” so that I can have two days to catch up with myself. If I want I could have a quiet day, on crutches, napping when I need to, have a hot bath, read a book, watch a film, play some video games. Hubby is always happy to give me time to recoup my spoons. Sometimes he insists I do it and I have no choice in the matter because he does all the things I tell him I’ve got to do! (I love those days!)

A couple of weekends a month I will take one of the kids out and have some one-on-one time with them. Most weekends I wrangle the kids into doing a few housework tasks with me, we watch a film, do some arts and crafts, play in the garden, walk the dog, do a bit of gardening. Some weekends we will go and watch Daddy do a running race and make a day of it. If we’re feeling adventurous we’ll go for a day out at a farm park or a spontaneous trip to the zoo… We always have to go somewhere the kids can run free as they’re outdoorsy and a bit feral, a lot like their mother. Moo sometimes gets to stay up and read with me or we watch something on Netflix together on a Friday/Saturday night, then we chat about it, and he heads to bed around the same time as me… I’m a loser that goes to bed at 9pm most nights. Though I usually watch some TV in bed, read, or play games on my tablet until hubby comes to bed. I mainly go up because I need to be somewhere comfy and I want to give hubbly some down time too.

I am coping. I just get tired and achy sometimes. Like a lot of you. Unfortunately for me mine happens a lot more often and the pain is more severe. Some days I feel like I could climb a mountain (I can’t do that anymore, I tried!). Some days I want to live in my PJ’s and sleep all day because jeans make my skin sore, my legs feel too heavy and mmmm….bed.

The funny thing is – my ex-GP follows my blog and she knows me so well. She would email me and tell me to get to my GP if she thought my blog was of any concern, I take her opinion very seriously. I know when I’m not coping and I do reach out for help when that happens. I am very visible, open and honest with my son’s school and all of our doctors, if they were concerned they would tell me and help me do something about it.

My husband is hyper-aware of my triggers and would tell me if I need help, he will mention to me when I’m showing any of my little tics that I’m starting to struggle. He takes days off to help if I need him to, he will work from home if I ask him to. I have a fantastic support network in my GP, Mum, Husband, Sister, Friends, Health Visiting Team, School, and my kids Paediatricians. I have access to physio, hydrotherapy, a counsellor and CBT if I need it. I also have my very own massage therapist in my family who loves getting her hands on me because it’s so rare – I used to hate being touched like that and she is one of THREE people I have EVER let massage me.

Generally I am okay. I do everything I can to maintain that. Some days I achieve the statuses of “great” and “awesome”, other days I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.

I aim to give my kids a good life by creating wonderful memories that they will take with them into adulthood.
I want them to know that;
~ YES, Mummy was ouchy, but she always did her best.
~ Yes, Mummy did have her crutches, but she still made her way around a farm or a zoo and tired to climb a play frame to entertain them. (I did, it hurt, but we had fun and laughed our socks off!)
~ Yes, Mummy did have quiet days where she felt rubbish, but she still sat on her bean bag and beat them at Mario Kart.
~ Yes, Mummy was tired and she did go to bed early, but not before she put them all to bed, gave them all a kiss and a cuddle and told them that she loved them so much she was scared her heart would go BOOM. (**BOOM** shouts Bashy!)
~ Yes, Mummy was scared and lonely when Daddy went on work trips, but it meant camping in the lounge or watching movies and eating popcorn until we all passed out so Mummy felt okay.
~Yes, Mummy was poorly, but she didn’t let it stop her from being Mummy and having fun.

There’s time for me to slow down later. For now I’m going to enjoy raising my boys, regardless of pain and head squirrels. I will cope because that’s what I do. I want to teach them to be strong and realise it’s okay to ask for help if you’re not okay. I want them to know they always came first and carry that with them if they ever become parents.

So to recap, I am okay , and I’m doing much better than coping! I am rocking this disabled parent shit!!! Okay? Also, if you’re not okay, it’s okay to tell me, I will be there and we will all be okay!!!

Okay.

Love,
The Anxious Pixie.
xxx